{share} 19 Things to Stop Doing in Your 20s

“You are only confined by the walls you build yourself” – Andrew Murphy

I did not write the article below – I wish I knew all of these things already. I found this today & thought it was an important article to share.

It was originally posted here. But I saw it here on Restored Style & liked the quotes she incorporated.

It really fits with where I am in my life & the entire purpose of this blog. To become fabulously me. No ifs, ands, or buts. No apologies for who I am, what I like & value. Learning to not accept less than I deserve. Not worrying so much, maximizing my talents & passions & to be truly completely happy. Focusing on myself, but in all that, not taking myself too seriously, having fun & learning a lot along the way. My passion is to {learn share grow} & to encourage this in others. So without further ado, I share this insightful article with you!

19 Things to Stop Doing in Your 20s

1. Stop placing all the blame on other people for how they interact with you. To an extent, people treat you the way you want to be treated. A lot of social behavior is cause and effect. Take responsibility for (accept) the fact that you are the only constant variable in your equation.

2. Stop being lazy by being constantly “busy.” It’s easy to be busy. It justifies never having enough time to clean, cook for yourself, go out with friends, meet new people. Realize that every time you give in to your ‘busyness,’ it’s you who’s making the decision, not the demands of your job.

3. Stop seeking out distractions. You will always be able to find them.

4. Stop trying to get away with work that’s “good enough.” People notice when “good enough” is how you approach your job. Usually these people will be the same who have the power to promote you, offer you a health insurance plan, and give you more money. They will take your approach into consideration when thinking about you for a raise.

5. Stop allowing yourself to be so comfortable all the time. Coming up with a list of reasons to procrastinate risky, innovative decisions offers more short-term gratification than not procrastinating. But when you stop procrastinating to make a drastic change, your list of reasons to procrastinate becomes a list of ideas about how to better navigate the risk you’re taking.

6. Stop identifying yourself as a cliche and start treating yourself as an individual. Constantly checking your life against a prewritten narrative or story of how things “should” be is a bought-into way of life. It’s sort of like renting your identity. It isn’t you. You are more nuanced than the narrative you try to fit yourself into, more complex than the story that “should” be happening.

7. Stop expecting people to be better than they were in high school — learn how to deal with it instead. Just because you’re out of high school doesn’t mean you’re out of high school. There will always be people in your life who want what you have, are threatened by who you are, and will ridicule you for doing something that threatens how they see their position in the world.

higher

8. Stop being stingy. If you really care about something, spend your money on it. There is often a notion that you are saving for something. Either clarify what that thing is or start spending your money on things that are important to you. Spend money on road trips. Spend money on healthy food. Spend money on opportunities. Spend money on things you’ll keep.

9. Stop treating errands as burdens. Instead, use them as time to focus on doing one thing, and doing it right. Errands and chores are essentially rote tasks that allow you time to think. They function to get you away from your phone, the internet, and other distractions. Focus and attention span are difficult things to maintain when you’re focused and attentive on X amount of things at any given moment.

10. Stop blaming yourself for being human. You’re fine. Having a little anxiety is fine. Being scared is fine. Your secrets are fine. You’re well-meaning. You’re intelligent. You’re blowing it out of proportion. You’re fine.

woman

11. Stop ignoring the fact that other people have unique perspectives and positions. Start approaching people more thoughtfully. People will appreciate you for deliberately trying to conceive their own perspective and position in the world. It not only creates a basis for empathy and respect, it also primes people to be more open and generous with you.

12. Stop seeking approval so hard. Approach people with the belief that you’re a good person. It’s normal to want the people around you to like you. But it becomes a self-imposed burden when almost all your behavior toward certain people is designed to constantly reassure you of their approval.

13. Stop considering the same things you’ve always done as the only options there are. It’s unlikely that one of the things you’ll regret when you’re older is not having consumed enough beer in your 20s, or not having bought enough $5 lattes, or not having gone out to brunch enough times, or not having spent enough time on the internet. Fear of missing out is a real, toxic thing. You’ve figured out drinking and going out. You’ve experimented enough. You’ve gotten your fill of internet memes. Figure something else out.

14. Stop rejecting the potential to feel pain. Suffering is a universal constant for sentient beings. It is not unnatural to suffer. Being in a constant state of suffering is bad. But it is often hard to appreciate happiness when there’s nothing to compare it to. Rejecting the potential to suffer is unsustainable and unrealistic.

15. Stop approaching adverse situations with anger and frustration. You will always deal with people who want things that seem counter to your interests. There will always be people who threaten to prevent you from getting what you want by trying to get what they want. This is naturally frustrating. Realize that the person you’re dealing with is in the same position as you — by seeking out your own interests, you threaten to thwart theirs. It isn’t personal — you’re both just focused on getting different things that happen to seem mutually exclusive. Approach situations like these with reason. Be calm. Don’t start off mad, it’ll only make things more tense.

16. Stop meeting anger with anger. People will make you mad. Your reaction to this might be to try and make them mad. This is something of a first-order reaction. That is, it isn’t very thoughtful — it may be the first thing you’re inclined to do. Try to suppress this reaction. Be thoughtful. Imagine your response said aloud before you say it. If you don’t have to respond immediately, don’t.

17. Stop agreeing to do things that you know you’ll never actually do. It doesn’t help anyone. To a certain extent, it’s a social norm to be granted a ‘free pass’ when you don’t do something for someone that you said you were going to do. People notice when you don’t follow through, though, especially if it’s above 50% of the time.

18. Stop ‘buying’ things you know you’ll throw away. Invest in friendships that aren’t parasitic. Spend your time on things that aren’t distractions. Put your stock in fleeting opportunity. Focus on the important.

19. Stop being afraid.

afraid

{1 ohio girl. 1 little white dog. 1 new city}

San Diego

view from Mt. Soledad, San Diego, CA

It’s been 3 months since I’ve last posted. 3 crazy, busy months full of change. And I’m ready to share it with you!

I have made some big changes in my life to achieve more goals of mine & make myself happier.

The 4 big changes I have made are:

  1. Found a personal trainer whose views a line with mine & what I’ve been learning

  2. Started Paleo lifestyle eating, fell off the Paleo wagon, & am getting back on

  3. Major decluttering overhaul

  4. And biggest of all:   Moved from Columbus, OH to San Diego, CA

I have refound inspiration in writing my blog through these changes & a renewed desire to share what I’ve been learning. Starting next week, I am committing to posting 3x/week & sticking to it! Planning is the biggest part of sticking to change; whether it’s diet, exercise, or blog postings =)

Authentik Fitness logo

1. Major change: Found a personal trainer

So working out on my own didn’t work out as well as I had hoped. I’m finding out what motivates me is competition, personal contact accountability & fear of letting someone down. I came across Brandon Oshodin, owner of Authentik Fitness & personal trainer/life coach extraordinaire. Brandon is truly an inspiring person. He believes in people, the power of change & positivity – mostly because he’s seen it first hand with himself. Not only does he believe in me, he’s relentless. Having someone in your life who won’t accept you slacking or treating yourself poorly & not following through on what you say, is a huge key to success. I’ve been seeing through several different people if you have an expectation of the way people can treat you or an expectation of other people meeting a goal, most people will rise up & meet that goal. You can do more than you think you can. With Brandon at my side, I could lift more weights & find more strength then I find on my own. Through him & his motivation, I find strength even when my body is an inch from collapsing on the floor. These type of people are important to find & keep in your life. Cherish these people.

If there’s a will, there’s a way. Working with a personal trainer is very expensive. But completely worth it. For me, reading & learning about workouts was not enough to make me feel comfortable in the gym. So, I made it happen, cashed in savings bonds from my grandparents & worked with Brandon for 1 month. I started in probably the hardest month to start a fitness & diet change, December. In that one month, I made huge gains in muscle mass & definition. Working with Brandon means following a Paleo diet. Which simply put means non-dairy, grain-free, & legume-free. I’ll be sharing more info on the ins-and-outs soon! I was feeling better & more confident. My friends were complienting me on how great my legs were looking. It was fantastic!

And then I let excuses get in the way. I left ohio, traveled across country, was on my own & let everything get in my way. A bad ankle twist didn’t help my cause either (apparently I missed a class when learning how to walk.) I didn’t completely realize how great I was feeling eating Paleo until I wasn’t doing it anymore. I have 33 days until I’m going back to Ohio for one of my best friend’s wedding. By that time, my goal is to be able to do 5 pull-ups & 25 straight, fast push-ups. I will meet this goal. Watch me!

Happy Thursday =)

{career moves} resume revamp

Ta-Da! Resume complete!

RESUME EXAMPLE

I finally feel like I have my resume to a great point which represents were I currently am in my career. Now the key, is to keep it updated with my accomplishments as I go.

Remember to market yourself & make your points specific! Always have someone else proof your resume, absolutely no spelling errors. Need any help, feel free to ask!

See my previous post for more on resume writting & to see my “before” resume.

{music} I Will Fall by Clare Brown & Sam Palladio

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/i-will-fall-nashville-cast/id574085925

I have fallen in love with the TV show Nashville on ABC. I was never a fan of country music until I went to Nashville, TN. I absolutely love the city & have gained a huge appreciate for the music. I tend to like songs with a lot of soul or girls that can belt out or are kicking butt. The louder I can sing to it in my car, the better! Passion & drive in Nashville is inspiring. I’m a sucker for people with a passion. Passion makes people beautiful.

The song above, “I Will Fall” sang by Clare Brown & Sam Palladio, is from the show. There’s so much emotion in lyrics & the artists’ voices. It’s beautiful.

Have a great weekend!

{career moves} wonderful world of resume writing

This is how I started this post yesterday:

I’m one of those weird people who actually like writing & critiquing resumes. Not sure why. I was fortunate enough to have learned a lot about resume writing in high school. One of the biggest shocks to me in college was most people, through no fault of their own, had no clue how to go about starting their resume. I was surprised it wasn’t taught in high school because everyone has to have a resume.

Resume writing can seem very daunting. However, if you follow the rules, it’s actually quite simple. I’m good with rules & formulas – which actually is probably reason I like it. (for example; I understand algebra, but not geometry. Algebra is more straight forward) Attack one part of the resume at a time to help ease your mind.

And today, I’m taking that back, kind of. Here’s my resume prior to updating & editing:

I thought I had a pretty decent resume worked up, but I knew it was lacking something quantifiable. A creative field is hard to describe in that way because you are not hitting sales goals. I was stuck at how to add this in. Then yesterday, my awesome roommate picked it up my resume & basically tore it a part. But in a really helpful way. He said my resume was very good for someone in a level 1 position, however, I’ve been at my company for 4 1/2 years & am not a level 1 position. My current resume would provoke some questions, but everyone in my field has the same points as I do on their resume as we have to know those skills for our field. I’m the main client contact for one of our biggest clients, but that’s not conveyed anywhere on my resume.

So, I do still love resume writing, however, I think it’s at a more basic level. I’m good at writing a basic statement & conveying information effectively. But defining your accomplishments is very hard & making the tangible is even harder. I’m not one who’s been good at selling myself.

Well as something I thought would be a quick project has turned into a bigger task, back to the drawing board. I’ll post the finished product when I have it!

{small joys}

                                    row of books at the Columbus Public Library

I love books! I think it’s the designer in me. I like to read them, but I LOVE to have them, hold them in my hand. They are beautiful things filled with so much information to learn. I know, I’m wierd. But that’s okay.

Whenever I travel, I take books with me. I have 3 plus 2 notebooks with me now. One thing which makes me really happy is going to the library. Rows on rows on rows of books. It’s heaven! I could easily get lost there & come home with 20 books, which is insane amount to read in a month (and I never do.) I just like having them. Having the knowledge at my fingertips. Plus, it’s free! Bonus on the budget.

Budget tip: besides renting books, rent your DVD’s from the library. You can usually get about 10 at a time for 1-2 week rental period.

Happy reading!

{october} career moves

“My job is to imagine harder than you can” – Genevieve Gorder

It’s time to get back on track with sharing my goals. My next set of goals are about focusing on my career & growing myself as a leader & designer.

The first step to defining myself within my career & discovering my strengths is to develop a personal design statement. I want this statement to reflect who I am as an interior designer, my philosophy on design & my strengths. I think this will really help me have a clearer picture of who I am & who I am not. Once I have my design statement nailed down, I want to revamp my resume & portfolio. It’s important to keep an updated resume no matter what profession. You never know when you will need it & it’s a lot harder to remember all your past accomplishments in detail at the drop of a hat. Keep a list of your accomplishments with numerical/measurable information, such as budgets or sales goals, if you don’t want to completely update your resume every time. If you are in a creative field, keep photos & physical examples of your work. An important aspect to having a great resume is having someone critique & proof your resume. I recently had a design professional & NYC professor critique in-depth my resume. I have had other people outside of my industry look at my resume & agree it is in great shape. However, having the input of someone within the industry proved to be invaluable. From his suggestions, I need to work on showing off my strengths to really show aspect I shine in. I think the design statement will help me discover my strengths & effectively communicate them in my resume.

Last month, I met with my boss to discuss my goals as a designer & within the company as well as areas for improvement & steps to take to get to the level of designer I want to be. This was another great way to see how my work is perceived by someone else; someone who has been in the industry for over 20 years & has worked very closely with me. It really is a great way to get insight. I strongly suggest meeting with your boss if you are looking to improve or move up within a company. It really helped me create a plan of action!

Another important goal I want to work on is creating a business plan to possibly start a custom invitation company. I have created invitation inserts or full invitations for a couple of friends’ weddings & my cousin’s baby shower because they couldn’t find what the needed with store-bought/online offerings. I really enjoy creating the invitations & having a role in their special events. Before I jump in, in true Bethany form, I want to find out as much info as I can about the market, pricing, amount of time it will require, how to manage the business, taxes & other logistics. I’m looking for suggestions on books & helpful resources!

Even though October is almost over, I do want to accomplish these goals in the next week. I know the business plan will be an ongoing thing though & I am looking to have a good plan by the end of November.

Goals:

  1. Create a personal design statement
  2. Update my resume
  3. Update my portfolio
  4. Create a business plan for my custom invitation company idea
  5. Read/watch the news every day to stay up on current events
  6. Help grow my firm’s hospitality design aspect of the business

Tools:

  • Friends within my industry
  • My boss & co-workers
  • My cousin in graphic design
  • Books & websites
  • Friends & Family!

{budget} makeup products

                                e.l.f makeup products display at Target

After using my mascara until it turned into paste, I thought I should probably look into buying new. I detest buying new makeup. I don’t like spending a lot of money on it & I’m never sure what products are really good. I typically buy Rimmel products because of the affordability (which I noticed in NJ, they are not affordable), but my last Rimmel mascara was very thick & clumpy.

After spending more time than I should have staring & comparing mascaras at Target, I noticed the new e.l.f. (Eyes, Lips, Face) product display. Most products were only $1, with the foundation & a couple other speciality products costing between $3-$6! For $1, I’ll try anything, especially considering my makeup desperately needed replenished. e.l.f has a huge array of products from make-up application tools, to eyebrow color, to lip gloss/lipstick/chap stick, etc… At Target, they didn’t have many color options yet though. I’m curious to see if the price stays down as well. The packaging is well designed & thought through, which further baffles me with the low-cost. But I’ll take it!

So far, I love the products! Although, the mascara brush on the Volume Plumping Mascara is a pretty thick. Next time I’ll try one of their other mascaras – or get a new brush. Now, I’m still on the hunt for some nice plum eyeshadow shades.